Ellie’s Got Jokes, From The Last of Us and Left Behind

**SPOILER ALERT** The following posts contains scenes from The Last of Us and Left Behind.

(Left Behind is a prequel to The Last of Us, showing Ellie’s story a few weeks prior to meeting Joel.)

One of the major fan favorites are Ellie’s jokes. Throughout the campaign Ellie will attempt to “lighten the mood” by reading jokes from her book of puns. The jokes can only be activated at certain points of the game when the area is clear of immediate threats. A few of them are somewhat hidden. They also take a bit of patience because she does not immediately pull out her joke book. Being a veteran at the game I found all of the jokes and compiled them into a video. Enjoy!

The video is approximately eight minutes long. The jokes are broken into parts because she will read off a couple and put her book away. When you reach another activation spot she will read a few more and repeat the process until she is all out of jokes. In the beginning Joel is unamused by Ellie but as the game progresses he comes around. During the Left Behind game play Ellie’s best friend, Riley, gives her the joke book and Ellie begins reading some.

1st Set of Jokes

  • Ellie: Okay, we need to lighten the mood. Ready? It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope. It’ll still be stationary.
  • Joel: What is that?
  • Ellie: It’s a joke book. “No Pun Intended: Volume Too” by Will Livingston.
  • Joel: sigh Let’s keep going.
  • Ellie: What did the Confederate soldiers used to eat off of? Civil ware.
  • Joel: Uh-huh.
  • Ellie: What did they used to drink with? Cups. Dixie cups.
  • Joel: sigh
  • Ellie: I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap.
  • Joel: sigh
  • Ellie: A book just fell on my head. I only have myself to blame. Oh wait. I said it wrong. Hold on, let me read it again. A book just fell on my head… I only have my shelf to blame. Ruined it.
  • Joel: chuckles
  • Ellie: What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages?
  • Joel: deep sigh
  • Ellie: A stale mate.
  • Joel: That’s awful.
  • Ellie: You’re awful.
  • Joel: Do you even understand what that means?
  • Ellie: Nope. Doesn’t matter. Alright I’m done… for now.

2nd Set of Jokes

  • Ellie: I think we could use some good ol’ pun humor. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know-basis. Knead.
  • Joel: I get it.
  • Ellie: A moon rock tastes better than an earthly rock… Because it meteor. Oh man that made me hungry. A backwards poet writes inverse.
  • Joel: Do you even get that?
  • Ellie: Of course not. I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
  • Joel: chuckles Alright. I’ve actually never heard that one.
  • Ellie: That’s it. That’s all I got.

3rd Set of Jokes

  • Ellie: Okay. It’s time to lighten the mood. 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.
  • Joel: 3.14…
  • Ellie: I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • Joel: ah I get it.
  • Ellie: What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
  • Joel: What?
  • Ellie: An algae bra.
  • Joel: laughs Terrible.
  • Ellie: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
  • Joel: Alright.
  • Ellie: Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • Joel: That’ll do. Put that thing away.
  • Ellie: Okay… I’m all joked out.

4th Set of Jokes

  • Ellie: Ready for a joke? I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
  • Joel: sigh
  • Ellie: Do you know what’s not right?
  • Joel: Left?
  • Ellie: Yeah. That’s awesome. What does a pirate say while eating sushi?
  • Joel: I don’t know, what?
  • Ellie: Ahoy! Pass me some soy! I don’t get it. People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow… Too soon. Okay… I’m all joked out.

5th Set of Jokes

  • Ellie: Ah, okay. You guys are killing me with your downer talk. It’s joke book time.
  • Sam: What is that?
  • Ellie: Just bare with me. You wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it was too cheesy.
  • Sam: I don’t get it.
  • Ellie: Yeah, me neither. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!
  • Sam: That’s so stupid.
  • Ellie: laughs pffft.
  • Sam: Alright, I got a joke for you.
  • Ellie: Let’s hear it.
  • Sam: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
  • Ellie: I don’t know, why?
  • Sam: Because… then it would be a foot.
  • Ellie: laughs That is so dumb. I love it.

Left Behind Jokes

  • Ellie: Alright, you ready?
  • Riley: Alright.
  • Ellie: I heard two peanuts walked into a park… One was as-salted. Good one.
  • Riley: That was a good one.
  • Ellie: A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
  • Riley: That’s funny.
  • Ellie: That is funny.
  • Riley: I like that one.
  • Ellie: I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, and it’s impossible to put down.
  • Riley: Nice.
  • Ellie: Yes. That one’s awesome. Its not that the guy didn’t know how to juggle… he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
  • Riley: Oooohhh….
  • Ellie: Ohhh…. I’m glad I know sign language. It’s become quite handy.
  • Riley: That’s silly.
  • Ellie: That’s really silly. I forgot how to throw a boomerang. But it came back to me.
  • Riley: Yeah…
  • Ellie: Ahh…
  • Riley: Mehh…
  • Ellie: When a clock is hungry… it goes back four seconds. Oh.
  • Riley: Hm. Yeah, yeah…
  • Ellie: Get it? It goes back…
  • Riley: For seconds.
  • Ellie: For seconds.
  • Riley: Yeah.
  • Ellie: I once heard a joke about amnesia… But I forget how it goes. Good one. When the power went out at the school… The children… were de-lighted.
  • Riley: Hm… okay.
  • Ellie: Those fish were shy. They were obviously coy.
  • Riley: Ah… that’s cute.
  • Ellie: That one’s cute.
  • Riley: That was cute.
  • Ellie: Those two men drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
  • Riley: Ugh… that’s…
  • Ellie: Uh, ugh…
  • Riley: Dark.
  • Ellie: That’s kinda… Kinda dark. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
  • Riley: Oh, I know this one… Rrrr…
  • Ellie: Naw! ‘Tis the C! Oh, cause the sea. Cause the water, the ocean.
  • Riley: That’s the best one so far.
  • Ellie: Yes. Awesome. The midget psychic escaped prison. He was a small medium at large. I’m inclined… to be laid back. That’s true. I actually feel like that’s true about myself.
  • Riley: That’s it? That’s the whole joke?
  • Ellie: That’s the… That’s the whole joke. Cause he’s reclining?
  • Riley: Inclined. Meh.
  • Ellie: Newspaper headline reads, “Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.” Yes.
  • Riley: That’s cute.
  • Ellie: Oh man, I love this book. The magician got frustrated and pulled his hare out.
  • Riley: Oh, okay.
  • Ellie: Oh, like a rabbit.
  • Riley: Yeah, okay.
  • Ellie: Lame. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
  • Riley: Ugh… gross!
  • Ellie: Oh! I get it. Cause he ate his hands. And then he threw them up.
  • Riley. That’s so gross.
  • Ellie: A criminal’s best asset… is his-lie-ability. Oh, brother.
  • Riley: Wow. No. Boo.
  • Ellie: I didn’t have the faintest idea… as to why I passed out. Ah… I heard about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda. He’s lucky it was a soft drink. Silly.
  • Riley: Yeah…
  • Ellie: There was once a crossed-eyed teacher… who had issues controlling his pupils.
  • Riley: Oh… that’s sad.
  • Ellie: Oh… that’s mean.
  • Riley: Yeah.
  • Ellie: Diarrhea is hereditary… It runs in your jeans.
  • Riley: Ewww… That’s so gross.
  • Ellie: Agh, that’s gross. But awesome. Alright, that’s enough. I’m putting this away. Till next time, puns.

Leave a Reply