Was it wedded bliss? No. Was it easy? Heck no. Was there a lot of compromise? Naturally. Was it worth it? Definitely. Would I do it all over again, the same way? Of course, because I wouldn’t know any other way! I’m just so proud of us that “I had to blog about it”. So here goes…
14 years married and still counting. We were both very young and the odds weren’t in our favor but we’re still together. It’s not over yet though! There’s no end to the work you need to put into a marriage to make it last. In our particular situation, we put the proverbial cart before the horse. Surprise! I was 8 months pregnant when we tied the knot. It makes for keeping track of the years easier when all you have to do is remember how old your kid is. No joke, but it’s still funny. In these types of scenarios it’s not uncommon that marriages don’t last because they were for the wrong reasons.
I learned early on not to judge couples based on the circumstances of their relationship. If they just met, who am I to say that their love isn’t real just because they haven’t been together long enough. On the other hand, couples who have dated for a long time before getting married aren’t always guaranteed to last either. My husband and I basically grew up together. I’m not the same person as I was 14 years ago and neither is he. For the most part, we changed for the better. I can almost tell a joke without completely ruining the pun and he can cook a mean fried chicken.
We are two people from two completely different upbringings and we make it work, because we want it to work. I didn’t grow up in a home with two parents. My mother behaved as though she was a single mom even when she had a man in her life. At least that’s what I saw. What I learned from this was that you don’t need men. You always have your children but men come and go… sad, I know. My husband came from a family that showed a lot affection but very mixed emotions, resulting in him having trust issues, especially with the women in his life. When it was my turn to love, I experienced something completely different because I did love him and all I wanted to do was was express it. I just had to learn how. He wasn’t just a role in my life, he was a part of me. I had to unlearn those negative behaviors that I picked up as a kid.
Our marriage is far from being perfect but it’s… interestingly normal. We have our challenges and I expect that new ones will come up as soon as we resolve the old ones. I’m not here to give marital advice. I’m just proud of us and wanted to say so. I was proud of us at 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, and now 14 years. I am excited and am looking forward to many years to come. There’s gonna be a lot of work ahead of us, but it’ll be fun! So cliche, but I love it.
By the way, here’s the love note that I mention on my Valentine’s Day post. He wrote this to me in 2013. It was his rough draft. So sweet. I love him.